The Simplest Thing Like a Hug

I did this in my first blog, but I want to take a moment to do it again. I do not pretend to be a writer; I am just sharing my experiences in hopes that what I am healing through resonates with someone else. It’s also cathartic to put my experiences down on paper. I hope that maybe it can serve as motivation for others, so they know they are not alone. People go through all sorts of things and keep them hidden—I am just attempting to be vulnerable enough to share my journey with whoever is interested.

For most of my life, I did what we called “the Foster hug.” It’s the one where you stick your butt out behind you and pat the person on the back… in reality, you aren’t really hugging. It’s not a genuine hug. As I got older, I was able to truly hug a couple of people, but not everyone. Even now, hugging someone new can feel awkward because there is a level of vulnerability involved. As I’ve opened myself up and continued my healing journey, I’ve come to appreciate genuine hugs. When I was younger, hugs were scary. My inner child and I did not want to engage in them. I call this my “time with blunted feelings.”

This past week, I have been able to hug people who know where I’m at in life and what I’m going through, as well as some who have no idea how my past shapes my present.

According to Psychology Today, hugs can reduce inflammation and blood pressure, help fight against the common cold, and promote the release of oxytocin—an important hormone that serves as a stress buffer and helps us feel connected to others.

I mean, overall, having connections with others is good for your health. The hugs came about as a necessity because I’m working through some really deep stuff with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy at the moment.

During my EMDR session, I was asked to rank, on a scale of 1-10, “How much do I appreciate and value my mind, body, and emotions?” I started to feel something, and then, in spectacular fashion, my body turned off my emotions. Then came the next question: “Where do I feel that emotion in my body?” It didn’t exist. But I did start to feel it—it’s just that I stopped feeling it because my body shut it down. It didn’t want to feel it at all. Then, before I knew it, four hours later, I had pimples showing up on my face.

Not to boast, but I typically have great skin, so these pimples were coming out of nowhere. One on my face even turned into a blister. This has been a theme over the past few weeks. It’s like my body is angry. My mind is angry. It doesn’t want me to go through this process and release these emotions—it’s still trying to protect me from feeling them.

Let’s not forget that the first time I attempted this EMDR session last week, my mind completely derailed and deflected it. I’m sure somatic work was happening, but it didn’t feel like it. This week was my second attempt. My ego—the protective, angry ego—doesn’t want me to feel these deep, hurtful emotions. It’s trying to shield me as I heal all the shadow aspects of myself. But progress is progress.

Six months ago, I would have eaten away the feelings. Three months ago, I would have tried to push away my shadow side, to amputate it like it was something that needed to be fixed. But now, today, and over the last few weeks, I’m trying to accept, acknowledge, appreciate, and coexist with the shadow aspects of myself. They are a part of me, and we can coexist.

My body has been rebelling in the most ridiculous ways—first with a several pimples on my big toe! Before that, my tattoos didn’t want to heal and will need some touching up. And now, out of nowhere, acne on my face. Like, dang! When you look up Louise Hay’s book Heal Your Body, pimples are linked to outbursts of anger. I haven’t allowed myself to feel anger much if at all—I promise you the anger is there somewhere.  It’s just an emotion I very rarely express outwardly (maybe this explains my clenched jaw at night) …. I also know there is this anger brewing beneath the surface from all the past anger I never expressed. It’s fascinating how emotional issues, like these pimples for me at the moment, can manifest in the body.

I finally let myself feel some anger, and let’s just say I’ve decided boxing is cool. I just need to find a local place to do some boxing and focus mitt drills.

After that particular EMDR session, I went to a stretching class. You’d think it would be all relaxation, rainbows, and butterflies. Let’s just say my muscles were tight, and I did some amazing stretches. But I could tell I was getting lightheaded with the tension release—my body was trying to disconnect. When the class ended, I unexpectedly found myself in fight-or-flight mode. I had to lay down and use breathing techniques to bring myself back to a normal state.

I don’t usually remember my dreams—I like to think it’s because I’m astral traveling and doing all sorts of cool things. But the dream I had the night after that EMDR session was a nightmare. I’ll spare the details, but it involved a decapitation that left me shaken before I was able to get back to sleep. The symbolism of a head being removed from a body in my dream, mirrors the dissociation my body keeps resorting to in a bid to protect me. Honestly the synchronicity is all so coooolll NOW that I have had time to reflect.

But wow, what a tangent—I was talking about hugs!

I recommend them. Hug people! Make it happen. There are people out there who are naturally just “huggers.” I have some in my family, and I am so thankful for them.

Getting more than one hug in a single day feels amazing. Hugs can lift your mood. I have such an appreciation for them now. Though, I won’t lie—there is a moment of vulnerability in asking for a hug. You have to see if the other person is open to hugging you back, and there’s the general vulnerability of the act itself.

Think about your aura and the people you interact with every day. With a hug, two auras are suddenly so close together—it takes a true act of trust. For me, it’s personally vulnerable because I’m not used to asking for hugs. But maybe it doesn’t feel that way for everyone?

I have relatives who hug all the time, and when I was a non-hugger, it made me very uncomfortable. I was like, WTH? But now that I’m dipping my toe into “HUGS”, it’s amazing. It feels like I’ve opened myself up to universal love.

In the end, something as simple as a hug has the power to heal, connect, and uplift. It may seem small, but the impact can be profound. If you haven’t embraced the power of a hug, I encourage you to give it a try. It’s a beautiful way to show love, trust, and support—not just to others, but to yourself as well.