Another Trip Around the Sun ☀️

I could tell you that I’m an Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, and Libra rising. I could tell you that I’m a 5/1 Splenic Projector in Human Design. I could tell you that I’m Life Path 9, or that after my birthday, I’ll be in my 22 Master Year—whatever that means?? I could even tell you that if you read my soul through my name, it spells out healer, healer, healer—over and over again.

All of this is great information. It has helped me learn a lot about myself and even explains to others why I am the way I am sometimes. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t explain the situations that have shaped my life.  Until you truly know and explore yourself, it’s just information.

And I’m still learning—learning about myself all the time. My likes and dislikes. How to build boundaries and communicate my wants and needs. How to process emotions and soothe my triggers. How to embrace my shadows while seeking out the situations that light me up and leave me feeling energized.

In 2022, the CDC documented the average life expectancy of an American female as 80.2 years. So, let’s be real—I’m about to turn 40… screw 50! My wake-up call, or midlife whatever, hit me about halfway through my 39th year.

One random day, it hit me like a ton of bricks—I was 39, single with no prospects, not even loving myself, living with my dad, and just… existing. No excitement, no passion, no real movement. I wasn’t enjoying my job. My days were a blur of work, sci-fi romance novels, driving, eating, sleeping—repeat. No workouts, no adventures, nothing that resembled the person I used to be or the person I could be. Aside from my Thursday Pilates class, I was doing nothing to take care of myself.

And then, one day, I woke up and thought, Holy shit. Who am I? What am I even doing? This is not a way to live.Thankfully, I had a Colorado hiking trip planned with friends—though, to be honest, I definitely tried to back out, considering I was the most out of shape I had ever been.

That trip became a small but crucial wake-up call. And small steps, no matter how tiny, build momentum. Being out in nature, moving my body, and laughing with friends (sometimes at the situation itself) was exactly what I needed. Let’s not even talk about the one hike where I sent everyone ahead because I was so slow—wondering, What happens if I pass out here with no cell service?

I’m also grateful for the people in my life who showed up for me—who traded hypnosis sessions, held space for me, and reminded me I wasn’t alone. Slowly, I decided to push forward—to stop giving up on my LLC, even though I had spent years swearing I’d never run my own business after watching my dad navigate the ups and downs of self-employment.

Let’s be real—Fostering Blossoms doesn’t feel like work to me. And, we all know I don’t like people telling me what to do, so being in charge of myself just works out better that way.

That same summer, about a month after the Colorado trip and following 10 days of being knocked on my ass by COVID (but luckily getting to watch the Summer Olympics), I left Missouri again and went to Hilton Head Health—a place that felt like adult sports camp. Workouts all day, great conversations, delicious food, and zero responsibilities (not even dirty dishes).

While the summer and early fall of 2024 felt like one long identity crisis, I can now say I have clarity, dedication, and excitement for what’s ahead.

💫 I know that I am open to new friendships.
💫 I embrace my shadows instead of fighting like hell to get rid of them—they are part of me and the duality of this existence.
💫 I know I’m learning to work with my body instead of against it—and that healing isn’t linear.
💫 I’m setting more realistic expectations for myself. Though I might throw in an unrealistic one here or there. 😉
💫 I know that pharmacy can sustain me as I build my own business, explore other passions, and travel the world.
💫 I know I’m free—my house is sold, and I can go anywhere, live anywhere, and am open to the possibility of moving out of Missouri one day.
💫 I find beauty in everyday things, rediscovering life as a child would see it, but don’t worry, I can still get mad as hell.
💫 I know that my person is out there, and when we find each other, we will love, protect, and support one another—and our family—fiercely.

I won’t say I hit rock bottom, but it was definitely a low point—a turning moment. Now, it feels like life has handed me a fresh start at 40. I have new goals, new aspirations, and an open road ahead. It’s like a second chance.

And perhaps the most challenging lesson at the moment? Learning how to receive—kindness, compliments, gifts, and even attention—without feeling like I have to give something in return, and overcoming my embarrassingly shy tendencies. I can be a bit difficult in this way. This has been especially present right now as I celebrate my birthday—for, you know, not quite the whole month, but a good portion of February.

I’ve always been the giver, and accepting love and attention without immediately reciprocating still feels foreign to me. Realizing that there are people who genuinely care about me—just because—still baffles me at times. But maybe I got some of that from my Momma, and her Momma. I always make a trip to see them around my birthday to say thanks, for bringing me into this world.

As I turn 40, I’m finally starting to embrace the journey of learning who I am, accepting the love that comes my way, and letting go of old patterns. Life may not always go according to plan, but it’s these twists, turns, and challenges that shape us. Here's to the second chance, to new beginnings, and to finding joy in the little things along the way. The road ahead is wide open, and I’m ready to walk it—one step, one day at a time.